Mark Twain :1835 - 1910

Born Samuel Langhorne Clemens on November the 30th, 1835, in the village of Florida, Monroe County, Missouri.

After his father died in 1847, Twain became an apprentice printer and wrote for his brother's newspaper. Later, he became a licensed riverboat pilot, adopting his nome de plume from the call "Mark twain!" (meaning by the mark of two fathoms) which was used to sound river shallows. The end of the Civil War saw a decline of steamboat traffic and Clemens moved to Virginia City.

'Mark Twain' was born on February the 3rd, 1863, when he signed a humorous travel account with his new name.

It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's manners, but drowning would help.

I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes.

I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics.

Spirit has fifty times the strength and staying-power of brawn and muscle.

Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.

There is nothing you can say in answer to a compliment. I have been complimented myself a great many times, and they always embarrass me – I always feel that they have not said enough.

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.

I do not like work even when someone else does it.

I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once – all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.

It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.

The government is merely a servant – merely a temporary servant; it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them.

The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.

One of the proofs of the immortality of the soul is that myriads have believed it – they also believed the world was flat.

All war must be just the killing of strangers against whom you feel no personal animosity; strangers whom, in other circumstances, you would help if you found them in trouble, and who would help you if you needed it.

We may not pay Satan reverence, for that would be indiscreet, but we can at least respect his talent.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Optimist: Person who travels on nothing from nowhere to happiness.

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the and the blind can see.

Wagner's music is better than it sounds.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

His money is twice tainted: 'taint yours and 'taint mine.

I've never let my school interfere with my education.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not advice, it is merely custom.

Accident is the name of the greatest of all inventors.

For business reasons, I must preserve the outward signs of sanity.

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.

What work I have done I have done because it has been play. If it had been work I shouldn't have done it.

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.

Great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

I can live for two months on a good compliment.

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.

A man's private thought can never be a lie; what he thinks, is to him the truth, always.

In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

Buy land, they're not making it anymore.

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.

It takes me along time to lose my temper, but once lost I could not find it with a dog.

What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.