George Burns : 1896 - 1996

Born Nathan Birnbaum in January, 1896, George Burns was best known as one half of the husband and wife comedy team of Burns and (Gracie) Allen and his trademark cigar. Often attributing his longevity to avoiding stress, worry and tension, he died in March, 1996 in Beverly Hills. at the age of 100.

I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

I don't worry about getting old. I'm old already. Only young people worry about getting old. When I was 65 I had cupid's eczema.

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

If I get big laughs, I'm a comedian. If I get little laughs, I'm a humorist. If I get no laughs, I'm a singer.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labelled senile.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

People are always asking me when I'm going to retire. Why should I? I've got it two ways -- I'm still making movies, and I'm a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price.

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.